I
graduated from seminary 30 years ago this month (I was quite young at the time, really!). I have just completed my 30th
academic year in campus ministry. At
times it is hard to believe that 30 years have gone by so quickly. Then again, when I look back at those early
days, it is very clear that it was a long, long time ago – maybe even a
lifetime or two – especially when I see how much I have changed in those years.
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| Original glassart based on "storm at sea" quilt block pattern |
I
must say that the last few years I have been struggling at several levels with
my life and ministry. I wonder whether
or not I am still effective in ministry.
I look at the weeks at a time when it feels like I am on a roller coaster
ride and I am just looking ahead to the day when it will be done and I can get
enough sleep and some time to just sit and rest. It seems like those periods of time are more
frequent and that I am frazzled more than I am not.
There are books that I have read that seem to
identify the place that I am spiritually and in ministry. I resonate with the authors and I strive to
be able to move into the place of peace and harmony in the midst of ordinary and
extraordinary chaos. There are three of
these writers that I can think of off the top of my head. We will call them Bob, Babbs and Mac. The reason that I started reading their stuff
was because they were like me, active pastors… except for the fact that they
were pastors of big churches, and they were able to find time to write
inspiring and insightful books, and they were famous… But now, I look at Babbs and Mac and Bob and
all three of them are no longer actively pastoring in churches. The answer to their struggles with how
ministry got in the way of their relationship with God seems to have been to
leave the pastoral ministry. Fortunately
for them, they are famous and can make a living on writing and speaking – don’t
get me wrong, I still find what they write and speak about very helpful. But in the back of my mind I keep wondering
if there is another answer for the pastor who is finding the ministry is
getting in the way of her relationship with God, other than leaving the
pastoral ministry – especially if she is not famous and hasn’t figure out how
to consistently post on her blog, let alone write a book!
After
30 years of pastoring in a university setting I have times that I wonder, do I
really want to keep doing this? And
then, if I make a change, how big of a change do I want to make? Should I find another campus ministry
setting, should I move into a more traditional church pastorate? Should I see if there is an opening at
Starbucks? It is when I am wondering
these things and I read the wisdom of Mac and Bob and Babbs (and find it
helpful) that I feel a little bit betrayed by them. That is also about the time that something
exciting happens in the context of my ministry, often along the edges or in the
unexpected places, that makes me think that maybe I can keep doing this for
another day or two. Meanwhile, I will
continue to try to figure out how to keep the ministry from getting in the way
of my relationship with God, and trying to do the things that I already know
could help.
Interesting thoughts, and certainly not to be ashamed of. I'll give them some thought and write offline later. Ed Tourangeau
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ed. This probably would have been something we would have talked about on a Tuesday. I look forward to your thoughts.
DeleteDear Frazzled Rev Mom. Read it all the way through and related totally. But. For NCMA I had to write a history of " my" involvement in campus ministry. And there was a deadline. I put off putting fingers to keyboard, but continued to think and remember and ponder. The result .... 27 or so pages; each one of which could easily have been four or five, but I didn't think anyone would want to read more than that. It became ever so clear, I wouldn't 't choose to have missed any of it. The learnings ... positive and not so .... have all added to a (I hope) continually developing concept oh God. It may not be, and probably isn't , your concept ----
ReplyDeleteDiane 's continuing. (I've so messed up your site !). And as I continue to ponder I'd really like to go back and individually thank all those, whether street people or ACP clients or professors for what they've added to my still inadequate understanding. Two books have, for me, added greatly to the process. Two immediate reads, both by Marcus Borg, The first is his novel, takes place on a campus and incorporates every campus character YOU ever knew. The second has three words in the title and speaks of his convictions and the changes in his beliefs. They are both great for what they reveal about him --- but they are also great because you may decide that the work garbage you think distances you from God doesn't
ReplyDelete3rd and last bit from Diane: but might actually show you something about how your understanding of and relationship to God has changed. Enough! Hope you get all three sections !
ReplyDelete"...you may decide that the work garbage you think distances you from God doesn't but might actually show you something about how your understanding of and relationship to God has changed." That was good! Thanks, Diane! For 30 years you have always had something good to say, even if it is just a good question that makes me think about it again.
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